


The Guide: Yuletide

by Small_Hobbit



Series: Twelve Days of Christmas plus A Few [9]
Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 01:38:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13179630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Hobbit/pseuds/Small_Hobbit
Summary: This is what the Guide says regarding Yuletide.





	The Guide: Yuletide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mafief](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mafief/gifts).



**Yuletide**

It would appear this celebration dates back many centuries, although, like so many similar celebrations throughout the galaxy, the origin has been lost in the midst of time.

It is easy to blend in by following these three easy steps:  


Step One:  Find the most garish colours and spread them liberally about the house and person.  The brighter the better.  A generous use of small colourful lights is to be encouraged – the lights may or may not work, or may sometimes work and sometimes not – this is entirely immaterial.  Items made of highly coloured paper and foil need to be attached to walls and ceilings and placed in such a fashion as to fall on the head of a visitor at regular intervals.  Lastly, to pass unnoticed, wear clothing, preferably bright red or green, with pictures on the front and back.  These too may be adorned with lights if wished.  


Step Two:  Purchase sufficient food to feed a small village for a week.  In addition buy enough bottles of drink the box they are placed in cannot be picked up easily.  If there is space left in the box, then this is viewed as a failure and more bottles must be added to pass the test.  It is possible this is the tombola, but that may be what is known as a red herring.  If so, add herring to food purchase.

This food and drink will then need to be consumed by friends and family within the space of two days.  Memorise the following statements, which will prove invaluable: “I couldn’t eat another mouthful” which needs to be followed by “Oh, go on then, a little more would be nice.”

   
Step Three:  Swap brightly wrapped parcels with all and sundry.  We have as yet been unable to establish exactly what the contents of the parcels should be; further investigation is required.  It would appear the rituals surrounded this activity are complex and participation can be fraught with difficulty.

In addition it is essential some of the parcel contents are returned to the place of purchase, where they are then exchanged for two different items due to something called a ‘Boxing Day Sale’.

  
Adherence to these three steps should enable any semi-intelligent being to safely progress to the next challenge: **New Year**.

 


End file.
